Silent Surrender

Take a look around and it’s hard to miss: there’s a lot of hand-wringing about masculinity in America. Some say it’s become toxic, something to be avoided or tamed; others believe men today simply aren’t “man enough” anymore. You hear about the “feminization” of the American male on talk shows, in books, and even from the pulpit. Many men are left scratching their heads, wondering what’s expected of them—at home, in church, at work, and everywhere in between.

But what does this feminization really mean? Is it all doom and gloom, or is there more to the story? And more importantly, what does our faith say about the design and role of men? Let’s wade into these waters with clear eyes and a biblical lens to find out what’s really going on.

How Did We Get Here?

Fifty or sixty years ago, American men were raised to be strong, self-reliant, and responsible—at least according to the prevailing image. Fathers worked outside the home, and mothers typically managed family life. With massive cultural changes—industrialization, two-income families, and shifting values—boys began spending more time away from their fathers and under the influence of mothers, teachers, and often female caregivers. The traditional skills and rites of passage that used to mark a boy’s journey to manhood lost their place in many households and communities.

At the same time, the rise of gender equality brought undeniable good: women gained more rights and opportunities. But somewhere along the way, some began to argue that the only path forward was to blur the lines between the sexes. Boys were told to “get in touch with their feelings” and avoid anything resembling “toxic masculinity.” Girl power was applauded, but boyhood was treated with suspicion or even disdain. Many see this as a quiet, insidious shift—less the result of a grand conspiracy and more the outcome of a culture increasingly skeptical about anything traditionally masculine.

Symptoms of a Crisis

It’s not just talk; the effects are showing up in real life:

• Boys are falling behind girls in education and college enrollment. The gap in university attendance is growing wider, and fewer men are earning degrees.

• Fewer young men are stepping into traditional adult roles like marriage and fatherhood. Many delay responsibility and seem adrift.

• There’s a pervasive sense of fragility—boys and men are often painted as emotionally vulnerable, unable to shoulder challenges or handle adversity without breaking down.

• Men who exhibit confidence or assertiveness are often labeled as part of the problem, while those striving to be gentle and passive sometimes still feel out of step.

Of course, these are broad generalizations—real people can’t be boxed into simple categories. But the trends are hard to ignore.

What Does the Bible Say?

So, what’s the Christian answer to all this? Is the solution to turn back the clock to the “good old days,” or to accept this new, androgynous model of manhood? Neither, actually. The Bible charts a different path—one that honors men as men and women as women, both reflecting God’s image, both essential, both glorious in their own right.

From the beginning, God created humans in His image, male and female, each with unique gifts and roles. The differences aren’t arbitrary or just the result of social conditioning; they’re by God’s design. Men are called to particular responsibilities: to be leaders, protectors, and providers—not in a domineering way, but in the servant-hearted manner modeled by Christ himself.

Scripture points to attributes like strength, courage, and steadfastness as virtues for men, but also compassion, love, and self-sacrifice. Paul commands, “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love” (1 Corinthians 16:13-14). Note that final phrase—love is to color every “masculine” quality with the gentle touch of grace.

Where Culture Got It Wrong

Our culture swings between two ditches: harsh, insensitive machismo on one hand, and effeminacy and passivity on the other. Modern schools and workplaces can send subtle—sometimes not-so-subtle—messages that stereotypically masculine traits are outdated, even dangerous. At the same time, some try to revive old-school, tough-as-nails masculinity that looks nothing like Jesus.

The biblical vision won’t let us choose either. Christian manhood isn’t about flexing muscles, nor is it about retreating from responsibility in the name of sensitivity. It’s about shaping men into the image of Christ: strong yet gentle, authoritative yet humble, protective yet sacrificial.

Commanding Respect—God’s Way

Many American men today feel lost, not sure how to earn respect from their families or peers. Some try to rule with an iron fist, while others give up altogether. But respect, according to biblical wisdom, flows from integrity and love.

A Christian man leads by example—courageously standing for truth, consistently loving those around him, making tough decisions for the good of his home, and laying down his rights when others are in need. He doesn’t demand honor but earns it by treating his wife, children, and community with dignity and selflessness. He rejects passivity but also avoids authoritarianism. For the Christian man, leadership looks more like Jesus washing feet than a general barking orders.

Community, Church, and the Masculinity Crisis

This hasn’t just affected families and schools—it’s also reshaped our churches. Some congregations, in an effort to welcome everyone, have downplayed the need for men to step up as spiritual leaders. Instead, the church is sometimes feminized to the point where men feel out of place or unnecessary.

Biblically, men are called to leadership—not as a privilege but as a huge responsibility. When men abdicate that role, the church loses part of its strength and witness. Our faith should challenge men to step toward responsibility and service, not away from them.

Where Do We Go From Here?

The answer isn’t to pine for the past or wage war against cultural changes. Rather, Christian men must rediscover their calling by looking to Scripture, not social trends. Here’s what that looks like in practice:

• Embrace your God-given identity. Don’t be ashamed of being a man. Celebrate the differences between men and women as part of God’s good plan.

• Build character over image. It’s not about acting tough or “manly”—it’s about developing moral fiber: honesty, perseverance, faithfulness, and humility.

• Take initiative at home. Love your wife sacrificially, parent your children with wisdom and strength, and set the spiritual pace in your household.

• Resist passivity and isolation. Don’t check out. Even when you’re tired or discouraged, press forward in faith.

• Reject both extremes: Don’t use harshness and domination to get your way; but don’t yield to the pressure to become passive or aimless.

To the next generation of boys, give them better heroes. Show them that men can be both strong and kind, leaders and servants, courageous and tender.

For women, encourage the men around you to live up to their highest calling. Don’t ridicule their efforts to lead or protect; instead, honor their sacrifices and partner with them in spiritual growth.

The Hope of the Gospel

At the bottom of all this, the feminization crisis is really a symptom of lost identity. In a world confused about what it means to be a man or woman, only the gospel brings clarity. Jesus didn’t erase gender differences; he redeemed them. He gave men a new standard: strength wrapped in humility, leadership woven with love.

America may be confused about manhood, but the church doesn’t have to be. Let’s show a tired, skeptical world what redeemed, Christlike masculinity looks like—at home, at church, and in our communities. Not by turning up the volume on blame or nostalgia, but by following the only perfect Man the world has ever known.

So, stand firm. Be watchful. Act like men. But above all, let everything you do be done in love. That’s the kind of masculinity America needs—now more than ever.