One of the most common struggles in Christian marriages today is the absence of spiritual leadership from the husband. In too many homes, the spiritual direction of the family has quietly shifted to the wife, not necessarily by her choice but because her husband has grown passive in this area. Many men genuinely desire to lead spiritually—they may recognize it as their God-given role—but they feel uncertain, inadequate, or unsure where to start. Meanwhile, their wives often carry the weight of spiritual responsibility alone, feeling both weary and discouraged.
If you’ve found yourself in this situation, you’re not alone. countless Christian wives share the same burden and the same prayer: “Lord, please help my husband become the spiritual leader You’ve called him to be.” The good news is that God sees your heart, hears your prayers, and is able to do far more than you can imagine. While you can’t force your husband to change, there are powerful biblical ways you can encourage him, support him, and partner with God as He works in his life.
Examine Your Own Heart First
The journey toward positive change in your marriage always begins with prayer and personal reflection. Before focusing on what your husband is or isn’t doing, take time to invite God to search your own heart. Ask Him to show you if there are attitudes or behaviors that might be hindering the spiritual health of your home. Are you walking closely with the Lord yourself? Are you nagging, criticizing, or trying to control your husband in frustration?
First Peter 3:1–2 reminds wives that a godly and respectful spirit may win over a husband “without words.” Your example often speaks louder than any well-intentioned lecture. Genuine humility—coupled with a quiet, steadfast faith—creates an atmosphere where spiritual growth can take root. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you model what a surrendered life looks like: patience, compassion, gratitude, forgiveness, and joy in the Lord. When your heart is aligned with God’s purposes, you become a powerful influence for good in your marriage.
Pray Fervently for Your Husband
Prayer is not a last resort—it’s the most powerful tool God has given you. Instead of complaining about what isn’t happening, take those burdens to the One who can change hearts. Pray specifically and persistently for your husband’s spiritual growth. Ask God to stir in him a genuine hunger for His Word and a desire to lead your family with wisdom and courage.
You might pray that your husband will find godly mentors or friends who inspire him to grow. You could pray for his sense of responsibility as a husband and father, or for confidence in his ability to lead prayer and family devotions. Don’t underestimate what happens when you consistently intercede for him. Even when you see no outward changes, God is still working in unseen ways.
It can be helpful to pray Scripture over your husband. Verses like Ephesians 5:25, Colossians 1:9–10, or Proverbs 3:5–6 are powerful promises to hold onto. You can pray those verses aloud, add his name to them, and believe that God will fulfill His Word in your husband’s life.
Encourage and Support Him
When your husband isn’t leading spiritually, it’s tempting to feel disappointed or to point out his shortcomings. But criticism rarely motivates change—it usually leads to withdrawal. Instead, focus on encouragement. Look for even small opportunities to affirm the spiritual leadership he shows, whether it’s praying at dinner, talking to the kids about church, or being faithful in his personal life.
Let your words build him up, not tear him down. Tell him you appreciate his efforts and that you believe in him. Thank him openly for the things he does right. As Proverbs 18:21 reminds us, “The tongue has the power of life and death.” Your words can either breathe life into your husband or crush his spirit.
Encouragement also involves practical support. Ask your husband how you can help him lead. Maybe he’d appreciate your help finding a devotional book or family Bible study. Perhaps he’d be more comfortable starting small—reading a short verse together after dinner or praying briefly before bed. Create a peaceful, welcoming home environment where he feels secure and respected. Treat him as the head of the household even if he’s still growing into that role. Affirm his potential, not his failures.
Model Godly Womanhood and Motherhood
A godly wife and mother have tremendous influence in the spiritual life of their home. You may not hold the specific responsibility of leading your family spiritually, but your example often sets the tone for how your entire household follows Christ.
Commit yourself to walking closely with the Lord. Spend time in Scripture, nurture your prayer life, and live out your faith with joy. Demonstrate qualities of patience, kindness, and integrity, even when things feel difficult. Let your children see what a heart devoted to God looks like through your words and actions.
As Proverbs 31 portrays, a virtuous woman is not passive—she’s strong, wise, and compassionate. She nurtures faith in her children and honors her husband. The goal is not to lead in his place, but to help create a home where spiritual growth naturally flourishes. When your husband sees your consistent faith, it may quietly spark his own desire to step up and take leadership as God intended.
Communicate with Love and Honesty
There will likely come a point when it’s appropriate to talk openly with your husband about your desire for him to lead spiritually. Timing and tone matter greatly in these conversations. Choose a calm, peaceful moment when you’re both free from stress or distraction. Approach the topic with respect, humility, and sincerity—not as a complaint, but as an expression of love and hope.
You might gently say something like this: “Honey, I’m so thankful for you and all that you do for our family. I really admire your faith and I know that God has called you to lead us spiritually. I’d love for us to grow together in that area as a couple and as a family. Maybe we could talk about some small ways to start?”
That kind of approach invites collaboration, not confrontation. It acknowledges your husband’s God-given role and encourages teamwork rather than blame. Listen to his response with patience. He may open up about his insecurities or lack of confidence in leading spiritually. Pray together about your next steps and encourage one another.
Get Support from Your Church Family
Christian community is a tremendous blessing, especially in matters of spiritual growth. If your husband struggles with leadership, connecting with other believers can make a significant difference. Get involved in a small group or couple’s Bible study together. Attend classes or retreats focused on marriage and discipleship. Serving side by side in a ministry can also strengthen your bond and help both of you grow spiritually.
In some cases, your pastor or a mature Christian couple in your church can offer mentorship, guidance, or accountability. Ask God to bring people into your life who can walk this journey with you, offering encouragement and practical support. Sometimes hearing another husband share his struggles and victories helps a man realize he’s not alone. Spiritual growth happens best in a community of faith.
Be Patient and Trust God
Spiritual transformation seldom happens quickly. Growth in spiritual leadership requires maturity, humility, and courage—all of which take time to develop. As a wife, your role is not to force results but to trust God’s timing. Philippians 1:6 assures us that “He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion.” That promise applies to your husband just as much as to you.
Be patient, even when progress seems slow. Continue to pray, encourage, and model a Christ-centered life. Resist the urge to compare your marriage to others or to take control when God seems silent. Remember that change starts in the heart, and only the Holy Spirit can do that kind of deep work.
Waiting on the Lord doesn’t mean doing nothing. It means continuing to walk faithfully while believing that God is at work, even in ways you cannot see. Keep your focus on Him, not on your husband’s shortcomings. The ultimate goal is not just a spiritually active husband—it’s a marriage that reflects the love and glory of God.
Keep Your Own Relationship with God Strong
In the midst of hoping and praying for your husband’s growth, don’t neglect your personal relationship with the Lord. Strength for this journey comes from your daily walk with Him. Spend time alone in prayer and Scripture. Share your burdens honestly with God. Let His Word remind you that He sees every act of faithfulness, even the ones no one else notices.
Your spiritual stability will become a steady foundation for your family. As you continue to lean on God’s promises, He will supply the peace, wisdom, and grace you need. Proverbs 3:5–6 offers a beautiful reminder for every wife who’s waiting for God to move: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.”
Whether your husband takes spiritual leadership tomorrow or years from now, God is still sovereign, still faithful, and still working in your family’s story. Don’t lose heart. Your prayers, your example, and your faith are not in vain.
A Final Encouragement
If your husband isn’t providing spiritual leadership right now, know that you are not alone and that God understands your longing. He has not forgotten you or your marriage. In His perfect time, He can awaken in your husband the heart of a leader and shape your family into what He intends it to be.
Until then, keep walking closely with Christ, keep your heart soft toward your husband, and let your life be a testimony of faith and grace. As you do, you may find that God’s greatest work is not only what He does in your husband but also what He does through you.