- Expect emotional discomfort. Resentment and negative feelings may have accumulated over time because your problems have not been dealt with properly. It’s time to address the issues despite the discomfort.
- Avoid the blame game. Pointing fingers at your spouse always leads to defensiveness and a breakdown in communication. Take responsibility for the hurt you have caused. (The counselor will not act as a judge or referee. He/she will help you see your part in the conflict.)
- Tell the truth. A failure to be honest will quickly sabotage marriage counseling. If you agree to be completely honest, your spouse must provide a safe and secure environment. There can be no retaliation or vindictiveness for telling the truth.
- Stay calm and respectful. Getting angry and loud will only shutdown communication. Do not interrupt or overtalk the other person. Disagree without lashing out. Avoid making accusations.
- No stonewalling. Do not shut down and retreat into silence. Stay in the conversation.
- Agree to disagree. If you are at an impasse, temporarily agree to disagree. Table the issue and revisit it at the next session. Keep the counseling process moving.
- If you’re wrong, admit it. Don’t let your pride get in the way of admitting you’re wrong. Confess your fault(s) to your mate and ask for forgiveness.
- Be willing to change. For the relationship to improve both spouses must change. Very rarely is just one person at fault.
- Be patient with the process. By the time most couples come for counseling, a lot of emotional damage has been done. Counseling is a process that takes time.
- Reconciliation is the goal. Marriage counseling is focused on bringing healing to the relationship. The couple become one again.
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