The Art of Carefronting

The art of carefronting is a powerful communication technique that combines genuine caring, empathy and respect with the courage to confront difficult issues and conflict in a constructive manner. The term “care-fronting” was coined by David Augsburger, professor of pastoral care, in his influential book “Caring Enough to Confront”. Care-fronting offers an alternative approach to the common confrontational style that can often escalate conflicts and damage relationships.

At its core, care-fronting is about valuing the relationship and the other person enough to have the hard conversations when needed. It’s a method of “offering genuine caring that lifts, supports, and encourages the other” while also being upfront about important facts, observations and concerns. The goal is to attain and maintain effective, productive connections with others.

There are several key principles and practices that make care-fronting work:

Leading with care and empathy

The foundation of care-fronting is a sincere concern for the other person’s wellbeing and a desire to strengthen the relationship. Before engaging in any confrontation, it’s important to first demonstrate care – through listening, validating feelings, and affirming the person’s worth.

Dr. Betty Kupperschmidt, a nursing professor who has applied care-fronting in healthcare settings, emphasizes the need to “truth it” – to listen to the other’s viewpoint with empathy and honesty. Even if some of what you hear is hurtful, the key is to listen carefully and non-defensively to understand their perspective. Expressing your own feelings using “I” statements can also show vulnerability and build trust.

Focusing on the issue, not the person

When raising concerns, care-fronting focuses on specific behaviors and issues rather than criticizing the individual’s character. The goal is to “confront caringly” and “confront the problem, not the person”.

Some tips for doing this constructively:

• Describe observable facts and behaviors rather than making judgements
• Use a caring tone and tactful language, the way you would want to be spoken to about a sensitive issue
• Clarify positive intentions upfront to avoid seeming blaming or shaming
• Invite dialogue by asking questions like “Is that what’s happening or am I missing something?”

Inviting change without demanding

Care-fronting aims to encourage growth and positive change but does so by “inviting rather than demanding”. The key is to offer ideas, information and alternatives rather than prescribing advice and answers.

Kupperschmidt suggests framing behavior change requests with open-ended questions like “What do you think you can do now to deal with the impact of your statement?” This collaborative approach allows the other person to take ownership and maintains respect for their autonomy.

Owning anger and ending blame

Acknowledging and constructively expressing anger is another tenet of care-fronting. When we feel hurt or ignored, anger is a natural response. Letting the other person know, in a respectful way, how their actions affected you is part of being honest and asserting your self-worth. However, blaming and shaming the other person will only breed defensiveness and resentment.

To “own” anger responsibly in a care-fronting manner:

• Use “I feel” statements
• Avoid character attacks
• Acknowledge your own role and responsibility in the situation
• Redirect energy toward problem-solving

Rebuilding trust through acceptance

Ultimately, care-fronting is about rebuilding and maintaining trust, even in the midst of conflict. Choosing to assume the other person has good intentions, even if their actions were hurtful, is an act of grace and acceptance. Explicitly naming your commitment to the relationship, while working through issues, sends a powerful message.

Care-fronting is not about avoiding conflict altogether but rather engaging in it constructively, with care as the driving force. As Augsburger writes, “Care-fronting unites concern for relationship with concern for goals…This allows each of us to be genuinely loving without giving away one’s power to think, choose and act.”

While care-fronting takes courage, skill and emotional maturity to do well, it is well worth the effort. When used consistently, it can transform communication climates and build organizational cultures of trust and respect. Teaching young people the art of “caring confrontation” can be particularly impactful, empowering them to bring out the best in their peers and themselves.

As Augsburger aptly puts it: “To care is to bid another to grow, to welcome, invite, and support growth in another…To confront effectively is to offer the maximum of useful information with the minimum of threat and stress.” That powerful combination of care and candor is the essence of care-fronting – and the key to building healthy human relationships.