The Danger of Marital Drift

Marital drift happens even to the best of marriages. Though once deeply in love, busyness, the demands of work and family, and unresolved conflict can turn a couple into roommates. Fortunately, steps can be taken to prevent drift and put you relationship back into synch. Identifying drift is the first step then choosing to do something about it, second.

D – Do things together

1. Make time together. In order to grow together you must spend time together. If your schedules are taking you in different directions, then stop! Make togetherness a new priority. Run errands together, go for lunch, or plan a date night. Be intentional about carving out time to be together.
2. Eat together. Have at least one meal together daily. Get up 15 minutes early to have coffee/prepare dinner together. You must plan because it won’t magically happen. And when you eat together, make sure it is not in front of the TV.
3. Limit technology. When you do have an evening at home together, turn off all electronic devices and genuinely interact with one another.

R – Romance one another

1. Choose to be in love. Remember that this is the person you chose to spend the rest of your life with. Choose to love this person deeply. Choose to be in love. Just as you can choose to focus on the negative you can also choose to focus on the positive. Let lovingkindness be a daily goal. It’s your choice.
2. Make bedtime count. As often as possible, go to bed at the same time. This is a connecting time that should not be overlooked.
3. Lovemaking must be a priority. The sexual bond is much more than a physical connection. It is a bonding of two souls. It’s glue in a good marriage. It is meant to be fun, fulfilling and frequent. If this is an area of tension in your marriage then get some help. Past sexual experiences including those of abuse or promiscuity will bring emotional baggage into your marriage.
4. Give frequent doses of affection. When a relationship becomes strained, non-sexual touching often stops. A hand on the arm, a hug, cuddling, taking the other’s hand, or a kiss on the forehead can help melt tension and show that you care. Affection symbolizes security, protection, comfort and approval—all vital ingredients in a marital relationship.
5. Attention, acceptance and appreciation. These are the “glue” that establishes and maintains the emotional bond. They open up our spirit, make us feel safe, secure, loved, valued and cherished.

 I – Invest in one another

1. Get away together. Whether it’s for an evening, a weekend, or a holiday, carve out the time and save the money to make get-aways a reality. Give yourselves the gift of couple time to focus on each other in a special way.
2. Pursue each other. Keep courting one another. Find small, creative ways to say, “I want to be with you”. Recall things from your dating days, go for a picnic, or start with an evening walk. Pursue the one who once captured your heart.
3. Celebrate one another. Be your partner’s biggest cheerleader. Celebrate small victories. Intentionally show that you support him/her.
4. Pray together. Going to God together with the problems of life and asking for his wisdom and guidance is life changing. It will help keep your hearts tender as you depend on God for His help.

F – Fight right

1. Remember that you are on the same team. Differences of opinions are normal, especially with men and women. When an issue develops, calm down and take time to talk about it. Give one another the floor to express his or her thoughts on the matter. Be flexible and look for a win-win solution.
2. Be a safe place. Assess your own attitude. Are you nagging, being critical or treating your partner like a child? You can begin to change the atmosphere in your home. Make it a safe place for your partner to share without fear of criticism. You can start the pattern to change.

T – Talk

1. Share your thoughts and ideas. Touch base with one another during the day. When you get home catch up with one another. Share the events of your day. Discuss your schedules and work together as partners.
2. If you sense that you are not being heard or understood, communication will eventually shut down. Resentment may begin to develop. Intentionally tune in to what your spouse is saying. Listen attentively without trying to fix the problem.

Conclusion

If you sense that your marriage is drifting, take action immediately! Put these steps into practice and get back into synch with one another. Don’t delay in stopping the drift or you will put your emotional bond and even your marriage at risk.

 

© Copyright 2022, North Alabama Christian Counseling, LLC, All Rights Reserved.