If you’ve ever watched a romantic comedy, read a love story, or scrolled through social media on Valentine’s Day, you’ve probably run into the idea of “the right one.” You know the story: somewhere out there is a perfect person, your soulmate, the one God (or fate, or the universe) made just for you. All you have to do is find them, and everything will fall into place. You’ll “just know.” Sparks will fly, the stars will align, and you’ll live happily ever after.
It sounds magical, doesn’t it? But here’s the thing: the idea of “the right one” is mostly an illusion. It’s a myth that can lead to disappointment, confusion, and even heartbreak—especially for Christians who want to honor God with their relationships. So let’s talk honestly about where this idea comes from, why it’s so tempting, and what the Bible really says about finding love and building a godly marriage.
Where Did the Idea of “The Right One” Come From?
The concept of “the right one” is everywhere in our culture. It’s in movies, music, and even in some church circles. The story goes like this: God (or destiny) has picked out one special person for you. If you wait patiently and follow the clues, you’ll eventually find them. And when you do, everything will just “work.” You’ll be perfectly compatible, rarely argue, and never doubt your decision.
This idea is appealing because it takes the pressure off us. If there’s just one right person, then all we have to do is wait for them to show up. If things get hard, maybe it just means we picked the wrong one. If we’re single, it must be because our soulmate hasn’t arrived yet.
But where did this idea really come from? Not from the Bible. In fact, Scripture never teaches that there’s only one person you could marry and be happy with. Instead, it offers a much more realistic—and hopeful—picture of love, choice, and commitment.
The Problems With Believing in “The Right One”
Let’s be honest: the myth of “the right one” can cause a lot of problems. Here are a few big ones:
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It Sets Unrealistic Expectations.
If you believe there’s only one perfect match, you’ll expect your relationship to be easy and effortless. But real relationships take work. Even the best couples have disagreements, misunderstandings, and rough patches. If you hit a tough season, you might start to wonder, “Did I marry the wrong person?” That kind of thinking can lead to unnecessary doubt and even divorce. -
It Makes You Passive.
Waiting for “the right one” can make you feel like you’re just stuck in limbo, waiting for God to drop someone in your lap. But relationships require action, growth, and intentionality. God invites us to grow in character, wisdom, and love—not just sit around waiting for a magical moment. -
It Can Lead to Discontentment.
If you’re always searching for “the one,” you might overlook great people right in front of you. Or, if you’re married, you might always wonder if someone else out there would be a better fit. That’s a recipe for restlessness and dissatisfaction. -
It Puts Too Much Pressure on Your Spouse.
If you expect your spouse to be “the one” who fulfills all your needs and makes you happy all the time, you’re setting them up for failure. No one can live up to that standard. Only God can truly satisfy your deepest longings.
What Does the Bible Really Say?
So, what does God’s Word say about finding love and choosing a spouse? Here are a few key truths:
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Marriage Is a Choice, Not Just a Destiny.
The Bible gives us wisdom for choosing a spouse, but it doesn’t say there’s only one right person. In fact, in passages like Proverbs 31 and Ephesians 5, we’re given qualities to look for and ways to love each other well. Marriage is about two people choosing to love, serve, and commit to each other—not just waiting for fate to intervene. -
God Cares More About Who You Are Than Who You Marry.
God’s primary concern is your character and your relationship with Him. Are you growing in love, patience, kindness, and faithfulness? Are you seeking to honor God in your choices? If so, you’re on the right path, whether you’re single, dating, or married. -
God Gives Us Wisdom and Freedom.
God gives us principles and guidance, but He also gives us freedom. There may be many people you could marry and build a godly life with. The key is to seek God’s wisdom, pray for discernment, and look for someone who shares your faith and values. -
Marriage Is About Commitment, Not Compatibility.
Compatibility is great, but it’s not everything. What really matters is commitment—a decision to love, serve, and stick together, no matter what. That’s the kind of love that reflects Christ’s love for the church.
Debunking the Myths About “The Right One”
Let’s tackle a few common myths head-on:
Myth 1: “I’ll just know when I meet the right person.”
Sometimes people do feel an instant connection—but not always. Attraction can grow over time. What matters most is shared faith, values, and the willingness to commit and grow together.
Myth 2: “If I have doubts, it must not be God’s will.”
Everyone has doubts and fears, especially about big decisions like marriage. Don’t let normal questions or nerves convince you that you’re making a mistake. Seek wise counsel, pray, and trust God to guide you.
Myth 3: “If it’s hard, I must have married the wrong person.”
Every marriage faces challenges. Hard times don’t mean you missed God’s will—they’re opportunities to grow in love, patience, and grace.
How to Approach Relationships God’s Way
So, if “the right one” is an illusion, how should we approach dating, love, and marriage as Christians? Here are some practical steps:
1. Focus On Becoming the Right Person.
Instead of obsessing over finding the perfect spouse, focus on becoming the kind of person you’d want to marry. Grow in your relationship with God. Develop character, integrity, and kindness. Healthy relationships start with healthy individuals.
2. Look for Shared Faith and Values.
The Bible is clear: believers should marry other believers (2 Corinthians 6:14). Look for someone who loves Jesus, shares your values, and is committed to growing in faith. Spiritual unity is the foundation for a strong marriage.
3. Seek Wise Counsel.
Don’t make big decisions in isolation. Talk to trusted friends, family, and spiritual mentors. Listen to their insights and concerns. Sometimes others can see things we miss.
4. Pray for Wisdom, Not Just a Sign.
It’s good to pray for God’s guidance in relationships, but don’t just look for signs or feelings. Ask God for wisdom, clarity, and peace. Trust Him to guide your steps.
5. Be Willing to Work at Love.
Real love isn’t just a feeling—it’s a choice. It means showing up, forgiving, serving, and sticking together through thick and thin. Don’t expect perfection; expect to grow together.
6. Trust God’s Timing and Sovereignty.
God knows your heart and your future. He’s not playing games with you. Trust His timing, even when it’s hard. Use your single years to grow, serve, and prepare for whatever He has in store.
What If I Already Married “The Wrong One”?
Maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “But what if I already married the wrong person?” Here’s the truth: if you’re married, your spouse is now “the right one.” God can redeem any story, heal any hurt, and use your marriage for His glory. Don’t waste time in regret. Instead, ask God to help you love, serve, and grow together—right where you are.
The Beauty of Real Love
When we let go of the illusion of “the right one,” we’re free to experience the beauty of real love. Real love isn’t about finding someone who completes you or makes your life easy. It’s about choosing to love, serve, and build a life together—through the ups and downs, the joys and the challenges.
Marriage isn’t a fairy tale, but it can be a beautiful adventure. When two people commit to loving God and each other, amazing things can happen. You’ll laugh, cry, grow, and change together. You’ll learn to forgive, to sacrifice, and to celebrate each other’s strengths.
And here’s the best part: you don’t have to do it alone. God is with you every step of the way. He gives wisdom, grace, and strength for every season.
Final Thoughts
The idea of “the right one” might sound romantic, but it’s not the foundation for a lasting, godly relationship. Instead, focus on becoming the right person, seeking God’s wisdom, and building a relationship on faith, commitment, and love.
If you’re single, don’t waste your days waiting for someone to complete you. Live fully, love deeply, and trust God with your future. If you’re dating, look for someone who shares your faith and values, and be willing to put in the work that real love requires. If you’re married, remember that your spouse is God’s gift to you—commit to loving and serving them, no matter what.
The truth is, there’s no such thing as a perfect match—but with God at the center, any two people can build a beautiful, lasting marriage. Let’s let go of the illusion and embrace the real, messy, wonderful adventure of love that God invites us into.
And who knows? Maybe, just maybe, that’s even better than a fairy tale.