The Importance of Affection in a Christian Marriage

Affection is a vital ingredient in any marriage, symbolizing security, protection, comfort and approval. When spouses express affection, they communicate deep love, care and commitment to one another. Affection nourishes and strengthens a marriage, just as food and water keep the body healthy. Even after many years together, regular affection is essential for married couples to feel cherished and loved.

The Biblical Basis for Affection

The Bible provides a clear foundation for affection in marriage. In Genesis 2:24, God establishes marriage as a sacred covenant where “a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” This oneness encompasses emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy, including affectionate touch. Jesus modeled self-sacrificial love, the basis for marital affection. He said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church, giving himself up for her. Wives are exhorted to respect and submit to their husbands. This mutual love and respect create an environment for affection to thrive.

The Importance of Affection for Wives

Wives often have a greater need for affection than their husbands. A husband may love his wife deeply, but if he only expresses it at the start and end of the day or before sex, his wife may feel unloved. Wives need frequent affection throughout the day to feel cherished. Affection helps a wife feel emotionally connected to her husband and that he is her best friend. Lack of affection can leave a wife feeling alone and disconnected.

The Importance of Affection for Husbands

While wives may express a greater need for affection, it is still vitally important for husbands. Emotional needs, not just sexual needs, often drive marital unfaithfulness in men. Husbands need to feel respected, appreciated and admired by their wives. Affection helps a husband feel secure in his wife’s love and respected as the spiritual leader of the home. Lack of affection can leave a husband feeling unloved and unappreciated.

Expressing Affection

There are many ways to express affection in a Christian marriage:

• Verbal expressions like “I love you” or notes expressing love
• Physical touch like hugs, kisses, holding hands, back rubs
• Quality time together, such as regular date nights
• Acts of service that show care and consideration

Affection should be a priority for couples, not an afterthought. Husbands should take the lead in initiating affection, as Christ loved the church first. Wives can gently communicate their need for affection and respond with affection when their husband shows it.

Affection and Intimacy

Affection is closely tied to intimacy in marriage. Emotional intimacy involves sharing thoughts, feelings and the true self with one’s spouse. Affection helps create an environment of trust and vulnerability where couples can be fully known and loved. Physical intimacy, including sex, is an expression of the emotional and spiritual oneness created by affection.

Affection and Spiritual Growth

Affection in marriage reflects the intimate love between Christ and the church. As couples grow in affection, they grow in their understanding and experience of God’s love. Affection helps couples serve one another in love, putting the other’s needs first. Lack of affection can hinder spiritual growth and lead to resentment.

Overcoming Obstacles to Affection

Some common obstacles to affection in marriage include:

• Lack of understanding of a spouse’s need for affection
• Selfishness and unwillingness to initiate affection
• Unresolved hurts or resentment that create emotional distance
• Busyness and neglect of the marriage relationship

Couples must work together to overcome these obstacles. Husbands and wives should communicate openly about their need for affection. They should make affection a priority, setting aside time for affectionate touch and conversation. Seeking help from a Christian counselor can help couples work through past hurts and grow in affection.

Affection is a vital part of a healthy Christian marriage. It communicates love, creates emotional intimacy, and reflects the relationship between Christ and the church. Couples must be intentional about expressing affection through words, touch, quality time and acts of service. As they do, they will experience the joy, security and spiritual growth that affection brings to marriage.