The Importance of Compromise in a Christian Marriage

Marriage is a beautiful gift from God, but it’s also hard work. Two imperfect people come together and commit to love each other for a lifetime. Inevitably, conflicts and disagreements will arise. This is where compromise becomes essential for a healthy, thriving marriage. Compromise is not about splitting the difference or taking turns getting your way. True compromise in marriage is about putting your spouse’s needs and desires above your own. It’s about sacrificing your own preferences for the good of the relationship. As Philippians 2:3-4 instructs, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”

The Myth of the 50/50 Marriage

Many couples mistakenly believe that a good marriage is one where both partners contribute equally. But marriage is not about keeping score or making sure everything is perfectly fair. It’s about grace, forgiveness, and selfless love.In his book Sacred Marriage, Gary Thomas writes, “What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” The purpose of marriage is not just to make us feel good, but to help us grow in holiness and become more like Christ. And this requires sacrifice and compromise. Jesus modeled this kind of selfless love when He gave up His life for the church. As husbands are called to love their wives sacrificially, just as Christ loved the church (Ephesians 5:25), so too are wives called to submit to and respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:22-24). This doesn’t mean blind obedience, but a willingness to compromise and put the marriage first.

Compromise Requires Humility

Compromise is not easy. It requires humility, selflessness, and a willingness to die to our own desires. It’s about looking out for the interests of our spouse, even when it’s inconvenient or costly to us. In his sermon “Marital Compromise: Good and Bad,” Pastor Greg Henry explains, “Compromise is the charitable allowance Christians make to get along with other sinners, for it is swallowing our own pride and preferences to make others more important, and you must do it all the time, for we are always sinners and disappointing, even pastors. “Compromise is not about winning an argument or proving you’re right. It’s about valuing your marriage more than your own preferences. It’s about saying, “I love you more than I love getting my way.” This kind of humility and selflessness is countercultural, but it’s at the heart of what it means to follow Jesus.

Compromise Builds Trust and Intimacy

When we compromise, we communicate to our spouse that they are more important than our own desires. We build trust and intimacy by putting their needs first. This creates an environment where both partners feel safe, valued, and loved. Compromise also helps us grow in empathy and understanding. When we make the effort to see things from our spouse’s perspective, it deepens our connection and helps us appreciate each other more. We realize that our spouse is not our enemy, but our partner in life.

Compromise Doesn’t Mean Compromise Your Convictions

Of course, compromise doesn’t mean compromising your core values or convictions. There are some things that are non-negotiable, like fidelity, honesty, and a commitment to Christ and His church. As Focus on the Family explains, “Good compromise is fearing and obeying your husband (I Pet 3:1-6), which is letting him direct you against your own preferences and reverencing him as the head of the home. “Compromise is about finding creative solutions that honor God and each other. It’s about saying, “How can we both get our needs met in a way that glorifies God?” This may require flexibility, creativity, and a willingness to think outside the box. But when both partners are committed to compromise, amazing things can happen.

Compromise Requires Communication and Teamwork

Effective compromise requires clear communication and a commitment to work together as a team. It’s important to express your needs and desires openly and honestly, while also being willing to listen to your spouse’s perspective. Seek to understand before being understood. Compromise also requires patience and perseverance. Not every conflict will be resolved quickly or easily. Sometimes it takes time to find a solution that works for both of you. Be willing to keep talking, praying, and working through the issues together.

Compromise Reflects God’s Love

Ultimately, compromise in marriage reflects the love and grace of God. When we put our spouse’s needs before our own, we are imitating the selfless love of Christ. We are showing the world what it looks like to love sacrificially and unconditionally. As Christian counselor Lisa Velin explains, “Compromise in marriage could potentially solve so many issues, that it needs to be a priority. Christian counseling can help you accomplish this.” When we make compromise a priority in our marriage, we are not only building a stronger relationship, but we are also pointing others to the transformative power of God’s love.

In conclusion, compromise is essential for a healthy, thriving Christian marriage. It’s about putting our spouse’s needs before our own, communicating openly and honestly, and working together as a team. It’s about reflecting the selfless love of Christ and building a marriage that glorifies God. While it’s not always easy, compromise is a powerful tool for creating a marriage that lasts a lifetime.