Premarital counseling is one of the wisest investments an engaged Christian couple can make in their future marriage. While wedding planning often takes center stage during the engagement period, intentionally preparing for the lifelong commitment of marriage is even more critical. Premarital counseling, especially from a Christian perspective, lays a strong foundation for a healthy, God-honoring marriage. Here are several key reasons why Christian premarital counseling is so valuable and important for engaged couples:
It provides a biblical view of marriage
One of the primary purposes of Christian premarital counseling is to help the couple understand God’s design and purpose for marriage. The Bible provides clear direction and guidelines for the marriage relationship. Key passages to explore include:
A Christian counselor will help the engaged couple understand these and other key biblical principles to provide a solid scriptural foundation for their marriage. Grounding the relationship in God’s Word from the very beginning is vital.
It aligns expectations
Unmet and unspoken expectations are one of the biggest sources of conflict in marriage. We all enter marriage with certain assumptions and expectations, often subconscious, of what married life will be like. Many of these expectations come from our family of origin.
For example, in one person’s family, finances were discussed openly and often. In the other person’s family, money was a taboo topic never mentioned. One person may expect to make financial decisions collaboratively while the other expects one spouse to handle the finances. Unless these differing expectations are uncovered and aligned, it will likely lead to disappointment and frustration.
Premarital counseling provides a safe environment to discuss expectations around important topics like finances, sex, roles, in-laws, children, and more. An experienced counselor will ask questions to draw out each person’s underlying assumptions and facilitate discussion to get on the same page. Adjusting expectations before marriage is much easier than after the wedding day.
It equips with skills and tools
Engaged couples are often so caught up in the romance and excitement of their relationship that they can overlook potential areas of conflict. Premarital counseling is not just about uncovering problems but also equipping the couple with the skills and tools to handle inevitable challenges in a healthy, productive way.
Communication and conflict resolution are two of the most important skills to master. Learning how to express needs, listen well, handle anger constructively, apologize and forgive are all critical to marital success. In fact, research shows that communication problems are the top factor leading to divorce.
A counselor can teach the couple proven strategies, such as using “I feel” statements instead of “You always” accusations, listening to understand before responding, and taking time-outs when emotions run high. Practicing these techniques in the supportive environment of counseling makes it easier to implement them in the midst of real-life conflict.
Other practical tools may include creating a budget together, developing a mutually satisfying sexual relationship, and establishing boundaries with extended family. Counseling equips the couple to not just survive but thrive when challenges come.
It encourages vulnerability and connection
Engagement is an exciting but vulnerable time as two individuals prepare to share all of life together. Premarital counseling creates space to be open and honest in a safe setting before the pressures of married life hit. Guided by the counselor, the couple can share their hopes and dreams as well as their fears and insecurities.
Being fully known and still fully loved is a powerful bonding experience. Counseling often surfaces sensitive topics that may be difficult to bring up on their own, such as past sexual relationships, family of origin wounds, or secret addictions. Discussing these delicate issues prior to marriage fosters intimacy and trust.
The counselor will also likely have the couple share their story – how they met, what attracted them, when they knew they wanted to marry. Remembering and savoring falling in love creates connection. Continuing this habit of openly sharing their hearts in the safety of the counseling room builds a lifelong pattern of turning towards each other emotionally.
It prevents future problems
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, as the saying goes. Engaged couples often naively think that their current happiness will carry them through the inevitable trials of life. However, research shows that couples who participate in premarital programs experience a 30% increase in marital success over those who do not.
Premarital counseling can identify red flags that could spell trouble down the road if not addressed – issues like emotional immaturity, controlling tendencies, inability to resolve conflict, or misaligned values. A skilled counselor can spot potential problems and either equip the couple to work through them or recommend further individual counseling before marriage.
Some engaged couples fear that focusing on potential issues will diminish their excitement about the wedding. But in reality, shining a light on problems is the best way to disarm them. It is much better to deal with challenges proactively than to be blindsided by them later. Premarital counseling is like preventative maintenance on a car – not always fun but saves a lot of headaches down the road.
It builds community
Navigating the joys and challenges of marriage takes a community of support. Christian premarital counseling not only strengthens the couple’s relationship but also connects them to a caring network of people to walk with them.
The counselor themselves can be a valuable resource, especially if they are associated with the couple’s church. Knowing that the counselor is available as a safe person to return to if struggles arise can provide peace of mind.
Premarital counseling can also create opportunities to connect with other mentor couples, whether through the counselor’s recommendations or a church’s marriage ministry. Being able to observe and learn from couples further down the road is invaluable. These mentor couples can normalize the ups and downs of marriage and offer encouragement from a few steps ahead.
Some churches even have premarital small groups where engaged couples walk through a curriculum together. The shared experience of learning and growing together, guided by caring leaders, can foster a strong sense of community. These friendships with other couples on the same journey can be an ongoing source of fun, support and accountability.
It honors God
For Christian couples, the ultimate purpose of marriage is to glorify God. Colossians 3:17 says “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” Preparing well for marriage by participating in premarital counseling is a way to honor God and invite Him into the relationship from the very beginning.
Receiving biblical counsel and striving to apply it demonstrates a desire to be good stewards of the gift of marriage. It shows that the couple takes their vows seriously and wants to create a solid, God-honoring foundation. In a world that often devalues marriage, investing time and effort into premarital preparation makes a counter-cultural statement.
Additionally, approaching marriage from a Christian perspective keeps Christ at the center. The couple learns to rely on God as the true source of love, to look to Scripture for guidance and wisdom, and to extend grace and forgiveness to one another. Regularly praying together in counseling reinforces the habit of depending on God as a couple.
Ultimately, a Christian marriage is meant to be a living picture of Christ’s love for the church. Ephesians 5 describes husbands loving their wives as Christ loves the church and wives respecting their husbands as the church does Christ. Living out these callings is only possible with God’s help. Premarital counseling is a way to invite God to be the third cord in the marriage from the very start.
In conclusion, premarital counseling is not just a formality to check off the wedding planning list. For Christian engaged couples, it is a vital investment in the spiritual, emotional and practical health of their marriage. Meeting with an experienced counselor to dive deep into God’s design for marriage, uncover expectations, learn skills, foster connection, and invite accountability is a wise way to start this lifelong covenant relationship.
The return on investment for premarital counseling is high – a stronger, more satisfying marriage that can withstand the storms of life. Even the healthiest relationships can benefit from the insights and tools counseling provides. Engaged couples who make premarital counseling a priority are much more likely to enjoy the lasting “oneness” God intends for marriage.
If you are a Christian engaged couple, prayerfully consider scheduling premarital counseling with a pastor, mentor couple, or licensed Christian counselor in your area. Don’t let the busyness of wedding planning crowd out this important preparation for the sacred adventure of marriage. Your future marriage will reap the benefits for years to come!
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