The Ten Habits of Healthy Families

The term “dysfunctional family” has become an overused, pop psychology, cliché that makes it difficult to understand what a functional family actually looks like. The truth is that all families go through cycles and changes, sometimes demonstrating amazing resiliency and health and other times showing signs of chaos, problems and conflict. No family is completely dysfunctional or functional. Families ebb and flow, constantly revealing new traits, patterns, and stages of development. What, then, are the habits of families when they are functioning at their best?

1. A healthy family is committed to one another.

The members of a healthy family are dedicated to living their lives in support of one another with unquestioned loyalty. Parents complement each other and work together for the good of the whole family. A strong primary relationship between parents gives the children a sense of security and enables them to develop strong self-images. Parents and children serve as mutual support systems (i.e., it is not just the parents who give and the children who receive support).

2. A healthy family spends time together.

A healthy family believes that time together cannot have quality without sufficient quantity. When there is a lack of time together it becomes easy to lose touch with the needs of family members.

3. A healthy family enjoys open, frequent communication.

Healthy families create an atmosphere where truth can be discussed, regardless of how difficult it may be to talk about. Healthy families understand the power of words and vow never to abuse, shame, control, or intimidate one another. They understand that children are not always resilient, but sometimes psychologically fragile.

4. A healthy family exhibits a sense of shared responsibility.

Helping children learn at an early age to be responsible for their possessions and actions prepares them for responsibilities in adult life. Each member knows that they must take responsibility for their own actions and face the consequences of their poor choices.

5. A healthy family consistently expresses affirmation and encouragement to one another.

Consistent affirmation and encouragement of each member characterizes healthy families. We affirm who people are and encourage what people do. Both are necessary to help children discover who they are and what they do well, which builds a strong sense of personal security. We are not born with a well-defined sense of self, but discover who we are through the influence of our family.

6. A healthy family shares a spiritual commitment to God.

Parents recognize that a “mild dose” of God will never cultivate a life that has Christ at the very center, guiding every aspect of life (Deuteronomy 6:4-9). Parents do not outsource the spiritual formation of their children to the church. Parents of a healthy family understand that there is a big difference between a young person who goes to church and one who is truly sold out for Christ.

7. A healthy family trusts one another and values the trust he has earned.

This trust is built upon mutual respect and a dedication to truth. The key to this trait is the mutual trust developed between husband and wife. This sense of trust is passed down to the children and begins in infancy with the emotional bonding between mother and child.

8. A healthy family turns inward during times of crisis.

Members of healthy families work through difficulties together. A crisis brings them closer together because they look within the family for strength rather than looking to something or someone outside.

9. A healthy family celebrates rituals and traditions together.

Family rituals and traditions are a link between the past and the future. The healthy family honors its elders and welcomes its babies. Most children love the sense of security, which surrounds traditions and rituals (i.e., birthdays, Easter, Christmas). Memories of the red-letter days of childhood are built up over the years, treasured and brought out again as newlywed couples build their own family life. This gives the family a sense of constancy and permanence. Children know that the love and commitment of the family will never change from year to year.

10. A healthy family enjoys freedom and grace.

Each member has the freedom to try new things, think different thoughts, embrace values and perspectives that may be new to the family, and even challenge old ways of doing things. All of this is built upon grace. Everyone has the freedom to fail, to be wrong, and to have faults and weaknesses without fear of rejection or condemnation. In a grace-based environment, failure is kept in perspective so that members of the family have enough confidence to recover, grow, and achieve.

Family appraisal

No family is perfect. Every family has some good to build upon as well as some things they need to change. Honestly appraise your family as it is today. What responsibility can you take for those characteristics that are lacking in your home?

 

© Copyright 2022, North Alabama Christian Counseling, LLC, All Rights Reserved.