It’s a story told over and over in today’s culture: a couple starts dating, things get serious, and before you know it, they’re talking about moving in together “just to see how it goes.” Ask around, and you’ll hear the same reasons: “We want to make sure we’re really compatible.” “It just makes sense financially.” “We’re basically married anyway.” This attitude—seeing cohabitation as a “trial run” for marriage—has become nearly standard for young adults in the U.S.

But is this actually a wise way to prepare for marriage? Or are we setting ourselves up for disappointment—and missing what God had in mind for real commitment? Research, life experience, and biblical wisdom all tell a different story from what’s trending on social media.

Let’s look honestly at why cohabitation isn’t the “test drive” it’s made out to be, and why there’s a better way.

The “Test Run” Temptation

The logic behind the “trial run” is simple, and on the surface, it sounds reasonable. Wouldn’t living together before marriage show you what life’s really like with someone? Wouldn’t it help you work out the kinks—or at least know what you’re getting into? After all, nobody wants to be surprised by the realities of dirty socks on the floor, unpaid bills, or clashing habits.

Culture sells the idea that if you can survive cohabiting, marriage will be smooth sailing. Even some Christian couples have bought into the mindset, especially if they come from homes marked by divorce or unhappy marriages. Why not avoid being hurt, or hurting someone else, by putting the relationship to the test first?

But are the questions being asked actually answered by “trying out” marriage? Or is all this really missing the mark?

What the Research Shows

It’s easy to let feelings and peer pressure drive our choices—but the numbers don’t lie. Study after study says the “trial run” theory doesn’t hold up.

  • Couples who live together before marriage (especially before engagement) are actually more likely to get divorced later. It sounds strange, but sharing a space before making a commitment weakens the very foundation marriage is built on.

  • People who cohabit before engagement report less dedication to each other, more negative communication, and lower relationship satisfaction—even after tying the knot.

  • Women, especially, often move in with hopes of forever. Men, meanwhile, may see moving in as simply convenient. These differences in expectations can quietly poison a relationship from within, because both aren’t truly on the same page.

  • Living together makes it all too easy to “slide” into marriage, rather than making a prayerful, conscious decision. It feels harder to back out after sharing rent, pets, or mutual friends—even if red flags are waving.

One study found that among couples who lived together before engagement, about a third ended up divorcing, while only about a quarter of those who waited until after engagement or marriage did so. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not lack of a “test run” that hurts marriages—it’s lack of a clear, committed decision to spend a lifetime together.

Why the “Trial Run” Actually Fails

So, what’s really going on when couples treat cohabitation like a test drive?

First, living together before marriage puts focus on convenience and comfort, not commitment. Instead of leaning into the hard work of building trust, you’re always “trying things out,” which means the back door is always unlocked. There’s little motivation to repair the cracks in the foundation—you can always walk away.

Second, the so-called “practice” of marriage that cohabitation gives isn’t actually marriage at all. Think about it: When you test drive a car, there’s no cost if you decide not to buy. But marriage is an all-in covenant—not a lease or a rental. If you need the option to walk away yesterday, you’re not experiencing what real marital commitment feels like.

Some may argue that living together reveals “the real person behind closed doors.” But the truth is, pressure, difficulty, and character are tested best in the context of promise, not in a trial run with an exit strategy. The security of marriage lets people show vulnerability and build trust without fear someone will leave over dirty dishes or rough days.

The Emotional Toll

More than convenience, living together without marriage takes a toll emotionally and spiritually. Moving in together means you’re sharing space, routines, and even intimacy—often before the rock-solid security of a lifelong promise. For many, this blurs lines and muddles hearts.

Couples often become emotionally and physically intertwined, but without the spiritual and public covenant that’s God’s design for marriage. That kind of attachment, with no guarantee or clarity about the future, can leave both people in a constant state of anxiety: “Am I enough for them to truly commit? Are we building something forever, or just marking time until something better comes along?”

This isn’t real security. It’s a recipe for heartbreak, confusion, and even resentment down the line.

God’s Wisdom: Commitment Before Intimacy

The Bible’s wisdom on relationships flips our culture’s trial-run logic on its head. Marriage isn’t about “trying before buying”—it’s about committing, serving, and loving someone for a lifetime, good days and bad, with Christ at the center.

God’s design is for a man and woman to leave behind their separate lives and become one flesh—joined together not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually, and practically (Genesis 2:24). This “one flesh” union happens within the safety and joy of a covenant—a vow made before God and community. Intimacy, shared life, and teamwork flow from that commitment, not the other way around.

Living together before marriage is like putting the roof on before building the foundation. It may look good in the short run, but storms reveal what’s missing underneath.

Sliding vs. Deciding

One of the biggest dangers of the “trial run” is that couples start “sliding” through major decisions instead of “deciding” with open eyes and open hearts. Instead of pausing to ask, “Are we ready to make a lifelong promise?” couples merge their lives bit by bit—sharing rent, then a pet, then furniture… until breaking up feels harder than getting married.

But “sliding” isn’t choosing. When you decide—really decide, with prayer, wise counsel, and God’s leading—there’s clarity, peace, and the courage to face challenges together. Sliding, on the other hand, leaves a relationship vulnerable to outside pressures and inside doubts.

A Better Way

For those who want their marriage to go the distance, research and faith invite us to take a different path.

  • Invest your time, heart, and future in someone only when they’re willing to make a public, lifelong commitment.

  • Use the dating season to talk honestly about faith, character, dreams, and disagreements. Don’t be afraid of tough conversations—they’re crucial for building true trust and partnership.

  • Lean on God’s wisdom and the support of faith community. Let mentorship, prayer, and accountability shape your decisions.

  • Remember that the marriage covenant is a picture of Christ’s commitment to His people—a bond marked by faithfulness, sacrifice, and unbreakable love. When you trust God’s design, you find a deeper sense of security and joy than convenience or trial runs could ever offer.

Don’t Settle for Second-Best

It’s tempting to follow what everyone seems to be doing. But the “trial run” approach, rather than safeguarding hearts and marriages, sets up barriers to the very thing couples crave: trust, commitment, and deep, lasting love.

As Christians, let’s call each other to more. Let’s pursue relationships that build on God’s blueprint: commitment before intimacy, decision over convenience, selfless love over self-protection. If you want a marriage that stands firm, don’t settle for a test drive. Wait for, and build, the real thing.

Real marriage is more than playing house—it’s coming home. And that’s worth holding out for.