Unresolved Trauma from the Past: Navigating Its Impact on Your Marriage

As Christians, we often enter marriage with the hope and expectation that our union will be filled with love, joy, and spiritual connection. However, for many individuals, unresolved trauma from their past can cast a shadow over their marital relationship, creating challenges and obstacles that may seem insurmountable. If you find yourself in this situation, know that you are not alone and that there is hope for healing and restoration.

Understanding the Impact of Trauma

Trauma can take many forms, from childhood abuse and neglect to experiences of violence, loss, or betrayal in adulthood. When left unresolved, these traumatic experiences can have a profound impact on an individual’s mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being, as well as their ability to form and maintain healthy relationships. In the context of marriage, unresolved trauma can manifest in various ways, such as:

• Difficulty trusting and being emotionally vulnerable with one’s spouse
• Emotional distance and isolation
• Increased anxiety and fear of intimacy
• Angry outbursts or a rapid escalation of emotions during conflicts
• Disinterest in sexual intimacy or PTSD responses during sexual encounters

These challenges can create a vicious cycle within the marriage, where the trauma survivor’s distress and coping mechanisms lead to further marital distress, which in turn exacerbates the trauma symptoms.

The Role of Faith in Healing

As Christians, we have the assurance that God is our ultimate healer and that He desires to bring restoration to our lives. The Bible reminds us that “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds” (Psalm 147:3). When we invite God into the healing process, we open ourselves up to a divine intervention that goes beyond what we can achieve through our own efforts. However, it is important to recognize that healing from trauma is a journey that requires patience, perseverance, and a willingness to confront painful memories and emotions. It is not a matter of simply praying away the pain or expecting an instant miraculous healing, although God can certainly work in such ways if He chooses. Instead, the path to healing often involves a combination of spiritual disciplines, such as prayer and meditation on God’s Word, as well as seeking professional help from trained counselors who can provide trauma-informed care from a Christian perspective.

Supporting Your Spouse on the Healing Journey

If your spouse is the one struggling with unresolved trauma, your role as a supportive partner is crucial. Here are some ways you can help:

1. Educate yourself: Learn about the impact of trauma and how it can affect individuals and relationships. This will help you develop empathy and understanding for your spouse’s experiences and challenges.
2. Create a safe and loving environment: Trauma survivors often struggle with feeling safe and secure in relationships. By consistently showing love, patience, and acceptance, you can help your spouse begin to trust and open up emotionally.
3. Encourage professional help: Gently encourage your spouse to seek counseling from a trauma-informed Christian therapist. Offer to attend sessions together if your spouse is comfortable with that.
4. Practice self-care: Supporting a spouse with trauma can be emotionally taxing. Make sure to prioritize your own mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being by setting boundaries, seeking support from friends and family, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation.
5. Pray together: Make prayer a central part of your marriage. Pray for your spouse’s healing, for strength and wisdom in supporting them, and for God’s love to permeate your relationship.

The Power of Forgiveness

One of the most profound ways in which God can bring healing to a marriage affected by trauma is through the power of forgiveness. Trauma survivors often struggle with feelings of anger, bitterness, and resentment towards those who have hurt them, as well as towards themselves for the ways in which they have coped with the pain. As Christians, we are called to forgive others as Christ has forgiven us (Ephesians 4:32). This does not mean excusing abusive or hurtful behavior, but rather releasing the offender into God’s hands and allowing Him to bring justice and healing in His own way and timing. Forgiveness is a process that may take time and may need to be revisited multiple times as new layers of pain and anger surface. But as we choose to forgive, we open ourselves up to the healing power of God’s love and grace, which can transform even the deepest wounds.

Finding Hope and Healing Together

If you and your spouse are navigating the challenges of unresolved trauma, know that there is hope for your marriage. By turning to God, seeking professional help, and supporting one another with love and patience, you can begin to experience the healing and restoration that He desires for you. Remember that healing is a journey, not a destination. There may be setbacks and difficult days along the way, but as you keep your eyes fixed on Christ and lean into His love and grace, you will find the strength and resilience to persevere. As you walk this path together, may you discover a deeper level of intimacy, trust, and spiritual connection in your marriage, as well as a renewed sense of purpose and joy in your life together. May God bless you and keep you and may His face shine upon you as you seek His healing hand. “He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners” (Isaiah 61:1).