Warning Signs That a Christian Marriage May Be Headed for Divorce

Marriage is a sacred covenant, especially within the Christian faith, where it is seen as a reflection of Christ’s relationship with the Church. However, like any relationship, Christian marriages can face significant challenges that may lead to divorce. Recognizing the warning signs early can help couples seek the necessary intervention to restore their relationship. This article explores some of the key indicators that a Christian marriage may be in trouble.

1. Emotional Distance and Disengagement

One of the first signs that a marriage is in trouble is emotional distance. When spouses begin to drift apart emotionally, they often stop confiding in each other and sharing their innermost thoughts and feelings. This can lead to resentment, bitterness, and anger. Efforts to reconnect, such as going on dates or taking vacations, may be unsuccessful if the underlying issues are not addressed.

2. Lack of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a cornerstone of Christian marriage, reflecting the forgiveness that Christ offers to believers. However, an inability to forgive can be a significant factor leading to divorce. When disappointments occur, couples must be ready to deal with the issues and choose to forgive. Otherwise, bitterness can take root, casting a dark cloud over the marriage. Colossians 3:13 emphasizes the importance of forgiveness: “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”

3. Increased Conflict and Arguing

Frequent and intense arguments are clear signs of a troubled marriage. While disagreements are normal, constant fighting can indicate deeper issues. Unresolved conflicts can build up, making forgiveness seem impossible. This ongoing tension can cloud the way spouses see each other, making it difficult to love and serve one another unconditionally.

4. Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling

Dr. John Gottman identifies four negative behaviors, known as the “Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse,” that are strong predictors of divorce: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Criticism involves attacking a partner’s character rather than addressing specific behaviors. Contempt includes abusive and mean communication, such as sarcasm and name-calling. Defensiveness is a response to criticism that involves shifting blame rather than accepting responsibility. Stonewalling is the emotional withdrawal from interaction, often in response to contempt.

5. Decrease in Physical Intimacy

Physical intimacy is an important aspect of marriage, serving as an emotional investment in each other. A decrease in fulfilling sexual activity can be a sign of distance and fading passion. While this can be due to temporary circumstances, such as postpartum periods, it can also indicate deeper issues in the relationship.

6. Prioritizing Children Over Spouse

While children are a blessing, prioritizing them over the marital relationship can lead to problems. When one or both spouses begin to focus more on the children than on each other, it can create a sense of neglect and distance in the marriage. This imbalance can lead to feelings of resentment and disconnection.

7. Financial Stress

Financial problems are a common cause of marital strife. Disagreements over money can lead to significant stress and conflict. Financial stressors can exacerbate other issues in the marriage, making it difficult for couples to work together effectively.

8. Infidelity

Infidelity is a major breach of trust and a leading cause of divorce. Whether it involves physical affairs, emotional affairs, or pornography, infidelity can devastate a marriage. Trust, once broken, is difficult to rebuild, and many couples struggle to recover from such betrayals.

9. Substance Abuse

Substance abuse can severely impact a marriage, leading to a breakdown in communication, trust, and emotional connection. It often results in financial problems, legal issues, and emotional distress, all of which can strain the marital relationship to the breaking point.

10. Lack of Commitment

A lack of commitment is frequently cited as a major reason for divorce. This can manifest as a gradual erosion of dedication to the relationship or a more sudden withdrawal in response to negative events. Without a strong commitment, couples may find it difficult to work through challenges and maintain a healthy marriage.

11. Negative Spiritual Relationship

In Christian marriages, the relationship with God is deeply intertwined with the marital relationship. If a marriage is unhealthy, it can affect the couple’s spiritual life. An unhealthy marriage can obstruct access to spiritual blessings and negatively impact one’s relationship with God. The apostle Peter writes about the importance of maintaining a respectful and understanding relationship with one’s spouse to ensure that prayers are not hindered (1 Peter 3:1-2,7).

12. Emotional Withdrawal 

Emotional withdrawal is a significant warning sign. When one or both spouses begin to keep things from each other, it indicates a lack of trust and openness. This can lead to a breakdown in communication and a sense of isolation within the marriage.

13. Resistance to Influence

A healthy marriage involves mutual influence and respect. When one spouse consistently resists the influence of the other, it can create an imbalance in the relationship. This resistance can manifest as a refusal to be emotionally involved or to consider the other spouse’s opinions and feelings.

14. Physical or Mental Abuse

Abuse, whether physical or mental, is a clear sign of a marriage in trouble. Abuse is not only morally wrong but can also be illegal. It is a significant indicator of a broken marriage and requires immediate professional help. In cases of abuse, seeking godly counsel and professional support is crucial.

15. Unresolved Conflict

Unresolved conflict can build up over time, leading to a toxic environment in the marriage. It is essential to address conflicts promptly and work towards resolution. Allowing conflicts to fester can lead to bitterness and a breakdown in the relationship.

Recognizing the warning signs of a troubled marriage is the first step towards seeking help and restoring the relationship. Christian couples are encouraged to seek counseling, engage in open communication, and prioritize their relationship with God. By addressing these issues early, couples can work towards healing and maintaining a healthy, fulfilling marriage.