What Has Happened to Gender Roles in Marriage?

If you ask ten different couples what “gender roles” in marriage mean, you’ll probably get ten different answers. Some will talk about “traditional” roles—Dad goes to work, Mom stays home. Others will say, “We both work, we both parent, we both do the dishes.” And if you listen to the news or scroll through social media, you’ll hear everything from “roles don’t matter” to “roles are everything.” So, what’s really happened to gender roles in marriage—and what should we, as Christians, make of it?

A Quick Trip Down Memory Lane

Not so long ago, most people in the Western world could describe “traditional” gender roles in marriage without blinking. The husband was generally seen as the breadwinner, protector, and decision-maker. The wife was the homemaker, nurturer, and primary caregiver for the kids. These roles were shaped by culture, economics, and yes, by certain interpretations of Scripture.

But times have changed. Today, many couples share household chores, both partners may work outside the home, and decisions are often made together. Some Christians see this as progress, others as a departure from God’s design. So, what does the Bible actually say?

God’s Design: Equal Value, Distinct Roles

The Bible is clear that both men and women are created in God’s image (Genesis 1:27). That means equal worth, equal dignity, and equal value before God. But Scripture also teaches that men and women have distinct, complementary roles—especially in marriage.

Let’s break that down:

• Husbands are called to be the “head” of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church (Ephesians 5:23). This isn’t about being the boss or a dictator. It’s about servant leadership—loving, sacrificing, and putting your wife’s needs before your own.

• Wives are called to respect and submit to their husbands (Ephesians 5:22-24). This isn’t about being a doormat or losing your voice. It’s about honoring your husband and supporting his leadership, while also being a strong, wise, and active partner.

This model is often called “complementarianism”—equal in value, distinct in role. The husband leads with Christlike love; the wife supports with Christlike respect. Both serve each other, and both submit to Christ.

But Wait—What About Mutual Submission?

Some Christians argue for “egalitarianism”—the idea that men and women are not just equal in value but also interchangeable in role. In this view, both spouses lead, both submit, and there are no fixed roles based on gender. They point to Ephesians 5:21: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Egalitarians say this means mutual submission is the rule for Christian marriage, not hierarchy.

Complementarians respond that mutual submission is real, but it doesn’t erase the unique callings of husband and wife. They point out that after Paul says “submit to one another,” he immediately describes how that submission looks different for husbands and wives—servant leadership for the husband, respectful support for the wife.

How Did We Get Here?

The shift in gender roles didn’t happen overnight. Several factors played a part:

• Economic changes: As more women entered the workforce, it became common for both spouses to work outside the home.

• Social changes: The feminist movement challenged traditional roles and called for equality in every sphere.

• Technological changes: Modern conveniences made it easier to share household chores.

• Theological debates: Christians began re-examining what the Bible really says about gender and marriage, leading to different interpretations and practices.

Today, you’ll find Christian couples all along the spectrum. Some embrace traditional roles, others share everything 50/50, and many land somewhere in between.

What’s Been Lost—and What’s Been Gained?

Let’s be honest: there are strengths and weaknesses in every approach.

When couples ignore biblical roles altogether, they may lose the unique strengths that God designed men and women to bring to marriage. For example, when a husband abdicates spiritual leadership, the family can drift. When a wife feels she can’t contribute her wisdom or gifts, the marriage suffers.

On the other hand, when roles become rigid or legalistic, marriages can become cold and lifeless. Husbands can become domineering, wives can become resentful, and the beauty of partnership is lost. That’s not God’s heart, either.

The healthiest marriages are those where both spouses love, respect, and serve each other—where the husband leads with humility and sacrifice, and the wife supports with strength and wisdom. It’s not about who does the laundry or who pays the bills; it’s about the spirit in which we relate to each other, following Christ’s example.

Practical Realities: What Does This Look Like Today?

In real life, Christian couples often find themselves negotiating roles based on gifts, personalities, and circumstances. Maybe the wife is better with finances, so she manages the budget. Maybe the husband loves to cook, so he makes dinner. The key is not to get hung up on stereotypes, but to honor God’s design for leadership and support, love and respect, in whatever form that takes for your family.

Here are some practical tips:

• Talk openly about expectations. Don’t assume your spouse knows what you want or need.

• Pray together about your roles. Ask God to show you how to serve each other best.

• Be flexible. Life changes—jobs, kids, health, and more. Be willing to adapt while staying true to biblical principles.

• Focus on your responsibilities, not your rights. Instead of asking, “What do I get?” ask, “How can I serve?”

• Seek wise counsel. Sometimes an outside perspective—a pastor, counselor, or mature Christian friend—can help you see things more clearly3.

The Heart of the Matter: Reflecting Christ

At the end of the day, gender roles in marriage aren’t about power or privilege. They’re about reflecting the relationship between Christ and the church. Jesus loved, served, and sacrificed for us. He calls husbands to do the same for their wives. The church honors, respects, and follows Christ. Wives are called to do the same for their husbands.

This isn’t easy. It goes against our selfish nature and the messages of our culture. But when we follow God’s design, we find a deeper unity, joy, and purpose in marriage.

What About Abuse or Neglect?

A quick but important note: Biblical roles never justify abuse, neglect, or control. A husband’s leadership is never a license to dominate or harm his wife. A wife’s submission is never a reason to tolerate mistreatment. Both are called to love, honor, and protect each other. If you’re in a situation where these lines are being crossed, seek help immediately—from your church, a counselor, or trusted friends.

A Hopeful Vision for the Future

So, what’s happened to gender roles in marriage? They’ve changed—sometimes for good, sometimes for ill. But God’s design remains: equal value, distinct roles, mutual love, and respect. The details may look different in every home, but the heart is the same.

Imagine a marriage where both husband and wife are running the race together—sometimes one leads, sometimes the other, but always in step, always for God’s glory. That’s the beauty of biblical marriage. That’s what we’re called to pursue.

Let’s not get lost in the weeds of cultural debates or stereotypes. Instead, let’s ask: How can my marriage reflect Christ and the church? How can I love, serve, and honor my spouse today?

When we get that right, gender roles become less about rules and more about relationship—a relationship that points the world to the love of Jesus. And that, after all, is what Christian marriage is all about.