Shot of a mature couple hiking through the mountains
Marriage is one of life’s greatest adventures-and, if you’re a Christian, it’s also a sacred covenant before God. When I first got married, I had a lot of dreams and hopes about what married life would be like. I pictured endless romance, deep friendship, and a partnership that made life’s challenges easier to bear. And while many of those things have come true, there are also some surprises, some lessons learned the hard way, and some truths I wish I had known before saying “I do.”
If you’re engaged, newly married, or even just thinking about marriage, I want to share some honest reflections from a Christian perspective-things I wish I’d known before walking down the aisle. Hopefully, they’ll encourage you, prepare you, and remind you that marriage is a beautiful journey that requires grace, patience, and God’s guidance every step of the way.
Before getting married, I thought of marriage mostly as a partnership-a contract between two people who love each other. But as a Christian, I’ve come to understand that marriage is much more than a contract. It’s a covenant-a sacred, lifelong promise made before God.
This means marriage isn’t just about feelings or convenience. It’s about commitment, faithfulness, and honoring God through your relationship. When things get tough (and they will), remembering that your marriage is a covenant helps you stay grounded. It reminds you that love is a choice you make every day, not just a feeling you wait to experience.
Romance movies and songs often paint love as this magical feeling that sweeps you off your feet. And while the “falling in love” phase is wonderful, real love goes deeper. It’s about actions more than emotions.
In marriage, love means choosing kindness when you’re tired, forgiving when you’re hurt, and serving when you’d rather be served. It means listening when you’d rather talk, and giving grace when you’d rather judge. Love is patient and kind (1 Corinthians 13), and it’s something you grow into by practicing it daily.
I thought good communication meant just talking openly and honestly. And while that’s part of it, I quickly learned that communication is way more complicated. It’s not just about what you say, but how you say it, when you say it, and whether you really listen.
Sometimes, even when you’re speaking the truth, your tone or timing can hurt your spouse. Other times, you might hear words but miss the feelings behind them. Learning to communicate well takes time, humility, and a willingness to grow. And it’s one of the most important investments you can make in your marriage.
Before marriage, it’s easy to focus on your partner’s best qualities-their kindness, humor, or shared values. But once you live together, you start to see the less glamorous stuff: bad habits, annoying quirks, and moments of selfishness.
This can be frustrating, but it’s also a beautiful opportunity. Marriage isn’t about finding a perfect person; it’s about loving an imperfect person perfectly. It’s about grace-giving and receiving it freely. Remember, God’s grace covers us all, and your spouse needs it just as much as you do.
I used to think that a “good marriage” meant never fighting. But that’s simply not true. Conflict is normal because you’re two different people with different backgrounds, opinions, and needs.
What matters is how you handle conflict. Do you listen? Do you seek to understand? Do you fight fair, without name-calling or bringing up past mistakes? Do you pray together and ask God for wisdom?
Healthy conflict can actually bring you closer, helping you understand each other better and grow stronger as a team.
This one is huge. Before marriage, it’s tempting to think your spouse will complete you, fix your problems, or make you happy all the time. But no human can do that-not even the person you love most.
Only God can truly satisfy your heart and heal your wounds. Your spouse is a gift, a partner, a teammate-but not your Savior. When you rely on God first, your marriage becomes less about expectations and more about grace.
If I had known how powerful prayer would be in marriage, I would’ve started sooner. Praying together invites God into your relationship in a real way. It helps you align your hearts, seek His guidance, and find peace in difficult moments.
Even when you don’t feel like it, praying for your spouse and your marriage can soften hearts and open doors. It’s a habit worth cultivating early and often.
Marriage is a journey of growth. You and your spouse will change over time-sometimes in ways you expect, sometimes in ways you don’t. Your dreams, interests, and even personalities might evolve.
That’s okay! The key is to grow together in Christ, supporting each other’s growth and encouraging each other’s callings. At the same time, it’s healthy to have some space for individual growth-hobbies, friendships, and quiet time with God.
Money is one of the biggest stressors in marriage. Before getting married, I underestimated how important it is to be on the same page financially. Whether it’s budgeting, spending, saving, or giving, money conversations can bring up strong emotions and disagreements.
Be honest and open about your financial habits and goals early on. Pray about your finances together, seek wise counsel if needed, and remember that generosity is a key biblical principle. When you work as a team, money becomes a tool for blessing, not a source of division.
Physical intimacy is important in marriage, but true intimacy goes much deeper. It’s about emotional, spiritual, and mental closeness. Sharing your fears, hopes, and struggles with your spouse builds a bond that can weather any storm.
Make time for meaningful conversations, encourage each other in faith, and be vulnerable. When you connect on all these levels, your marriage becomes a safe haven where both of you can be fully known and fully loved.
No matter how much you love each other, you will hurt each other-sometimes unintentionally, sometimes not. Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event; it’s a daily choice to let go of resentment and bitterness.
Remember how much God has forgiven you, and extend that same grace to your spouse. Forgiveness frees your heart and keeps your marriage healthy.
Marriage isn’t meant to be lived in isolation. Having godly mentors, friends, and a church community can make a huge difference. These people can offer advice, pray for you, and remind you of God’s promises when you’re struggling.
Don’t be afraid to ask for help or admit when you need support. Strong marriages are built on community.
Sometimes problems feel too big to handle on your own. Whether it’s communication issues, financial stress, or emotional wounds, seeking help from a Christian counselor or pastor is a wise and courageous step.
Getting help doesn’t mean your marriage is failing-it means you’re committed to making it stronger.
Before marriage, I thought patience was just about waiting for things to get better or for my spouse to change. But I’ve learned that true patience is much deeper-it’s about trusting God’s timing in your marriage and in your lives.
Sometimes, growth and healing take longer than we want. Sometimes, challenges linger. But patience means holding onto hope, believing that God is at work even when we can’t see it. It means choosing to love and serve your spouse faithfully, even in the waiting.
This kind of patience builds endurance and strengthens your marriage in ways that quick fixes never can.
Finally, one of the most beautiful things about marriage is that it’s a picture of Christ’s love for the church. Ephesians 5 reminds us that husbands are to love their wives sacrificially, and wives are to respect their husbands. This mutual love and respect points to God’s perfect love.
When you keep this perspective, your marriage becomes more than just a relationship-it becomes a ministry, a testimony, and a blessing to those around you.
If I could go back and tell my younger self one thing before getting married, it would be this: Marriage is a journey of grace. It’s messy, beautiful, hard, and rewarding all at once. You won’t have it all figured out on day one, and that’s okay. What matters most is that you keep Christ at the center, choose love every day, and lean on God’s strength when you feel weak.
Marriage is one of God’s greatest gifts, and with His help, you can build a relationship that lasts a lifetime-full of love, laughter, and faith.
So if you’re stepping into marriage or dreaming about it, remember: You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be willing to grow, to forgive, and to love-just like Christ loves you. And that’s a beautiful place to start.
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