When Your Husband Won’t Lead Spiritually

It’s a common problem in many Christian marriages today – the husband is not providing spiritual leadership in the family. Many men have become passive when it comes to the spiritual direction of their household. They may want to lead spiritually, but just don’t know how. As a wife, it can be very frustrating and discouraging when your husband doesn’t take on this God-given role. You long for him to initiate family devotions, pray with you and the kids, and make sure our family is growing in faith together. Instead, you often feel like you’re carrying the whole spiritual load alone. So what should a wife do when her husband won’t lead spiritually? Here are some biblical principles and practical tips:

Examine your own heart and actions

Before pointing fingers at your husband, take an honest look at your own life and marriage. Are you being the godly wife and partner you should be? Are you nagging or disrespecting your husband in this area? Are you trying to control the situation instead of trusting God? Pray and ask God to reveal any sin or wrong attitudes in your own heart. Confess and repent of anything He shows you. Make sure you are walking closely with the Lord yourself. As 1 Peter 3:1-2 says, your godly life and respectful behavior may be the very thing that wins your husband over.

Pray fervently for your husband

The most powerful thing you can do is pray for your husband’s spiritual growth and leadership. Pray for his heart to be convicted, for him to have a desire to lead, and for God to give him the wisdom and courage to step up. Pray for his relationship with the Lord to deepen. Pray for his character and integrity as a man. Pray for your marriage. Be persistent and specific in your prayers. Pray Scripture over your husband. Ask others to join you in prayer. Remember, God is the one who changes hearts and can do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine.

Encourage and support your husband

Instead of criticizing or nagging your husband about his lack of spiritual leadership, look for ways to encourage and support him in this area. Thank him for the spiritual leadership he does provide, even if it’s small. Affirm him as a man and the head of your household. Ask him how you can best support him in leading spiritually. Offer to help plan family devotions or find resources. Make sure your home is a place of peace and rest for him. Respect his decisions and don’t undermine his authority. Treat him as the spiritual leader, even if he doesn’t feel like one yet.

Model godly womanhood and motherhood

As a wife and mother, you have a powerful influence in your home. Live out your faith with passion and joy. Spend time in God’s Word and prayer. Serve others. Teach your children biblical truths. Be a woman of integrity, kindness, and self-control. Your example can be a powerful witness to your husband and family. Remember, you can’t make your husband be the spiritual leader. That’s between him and God. But you can be the kind of wife and mother that makes him want to step up. Pray that your life would be a living example of Proverbs 31.

Communicate with your husband

At some point, you may need to have an honest, loving conversation with your husband about this issue. Choose a good time when you’re both calm. Express your concerns and desires but do it in a way that is respectful and not accusing. For example, you could say something like: “Honey, I want you to know how much I admire you and respect you as the head of our family. I know God has called you to be the spiritual leader in our home. I want to support you in that role. Would you be open to talking about ways we could grow together spiritually as a couple and family? “Listen to his thoughts and feelings too. He may have fears, insecurities or misconceptions about what spiritual leadership looks like. Brainstorm together about small steps you could take. Assure him you’re in this together.

Get support from your church

Your church family can be a great source of encouragement and help in this situation. Reach out to your pastor or other mature Christian couples who can come alongside you and your husband. They may be able to provide mentoring, resources, or accountability. Attend a small group or Bible study together as a couple. Serve in a ministry together. Get involved in the life of the church. The more your husband is connected to other believers, the more he’ll be encouraged and challenged to grow spiritually.

Be patient and trust God

Changing a man’s heart and habits doesn’t happen overnight. Spiritual leadership is a process of growth. Be patient with your husband and trust God to work in his life in His timing. Keep praying, keep encouraging, keep modeling godliness. Believe that God is at work, even when you don’t see immediate results. Remember, your husband’s spiritual leadership is not ultimately about you or your marriage. It’s about God’s glory and the spiritual well-being of your family. Keep the big picture in mind. Pray that your husband would become the man God wants him to be, for his own sake and the sake of your children.

If your husband is not providing spiritual leadership in your family, you are not alone. Many Christian wives face this challenge. But with God’s help and by following biblical principles, you can encourage and support your husband in this vital role. Pray fervently, model godliness, communicate with love, and trust God to work in your husband’s heart. Your family’s spiritual legacy may depend on it. The most important thing is to keep your own relationship with God strong. Ultimately, you are accountable to Him for your own walk with Christ. Lean on Him, trust Him, and let Him fill you with His strength and wisdom for this journey. He will never leave you or forsake you. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)