Why Are So Many Christian Relationships Failing?

Despite the biblical foundation and faith-based values, many Christian relationships and marriages still end in breakup or divorce. While no relationship is perfect, there are some common factors that contribute to the failure of Christian relationships. By examining these issues, Christian couples can work to build stronger, more resilient partnerships centered on their shared faith in God.

Lack of Spiritual Intimacy

One of the primary reasons Christian relationships fail is a lack of spiritual intimacy between the partners. For a Christian relationship to thrive, both individuals need to be deeply committed to growing in their personal relationship with God. This means regularly praying together, studying Scripture, and encouraging each other in their faith walks.

When couples neglect the spiritual aspect of their relationship, they miss out on a powerful source of unity and strength. Without a shared spiritual foundation, it becomes easier for couples to drift apart when faced with challenges and hardships. Making faith a central priority is essential for building a lasting Christian relationship.

Unequal Spiritual Commitment

Another common issue arises when the two people in the relationship have unequal levels of commitment to their Christian faith. Perhaps one partner is more devoted to attending church, praying, and living out biblical principles, while the other is less engaged. This “unequally yoked” dynamic can lead to tension and conflict.

The partner who is more spiritually mature may feel frustrated or held back by their significant other. Meanwhile, the less committed partner may feel judged or pressured to change. For a relationship to work, both people need to be on the same page in terms of their spiritual priorities and practices. Major differences in this area are difficult to reconcile long-term.

Unaddressed Personal Issues

Many Christian relationships struggle or fail because of unaddressed personal issues in one or both partners. These could include unresolved emotional wounds, mental health challenges, or destructive behavior patterns. Some examples are past trauma, addiction, anger issues, or chronic anxiety/depression.

While being a Christian does not make someone immune from these struggles, there can be a stigma in the church around admitting to personal problems and seeking help. Some falsely believe that having strong faith means never battling these issues. In reality, ignoring or minimizing personal struggles only allows them to fester and damage the relationship. Christian couples need to be willing to confront their own issues, possibly with the help of counseling or therapy, in order to have a healthy relationship.

Unrealistic Expectations

Another factor that undermines Christian relationships is holding unrealistic expectations of what a relationship or marriage should look like. Some Christians enter a relationship thinking everything will be perfect and problem-free since they share the same faith.

In truth, all couples, including Christian ones, will face obstacles, disagreements, and times when feelings of love and happiness fade. Expecting a “happily ever after” fairy tale sets people up for disappointment and disillusionment when the inevitable challenges arise. Christian couples need to have realistic expectations and be prepared to work through difficulties together.

Lack of Relational Skills

Many Christian relationships also suffer due to a lack of basic relational skills. Some Christians may have grown up without healthy relationship role models or teaching on how to interact with a significant other. They may struggle with open communication, emotional vulnerability, constructive conflict resolution, and more.

Simply being a believer does not automatically bestow the relational abilities needed for a thriving long-term partnership. Christian couples need to be intentional about developing these skills together. This could involve reading relationship books, attending marriage conferences or seminars, getting mentoring from an older Christian couple, or pursuing counseling. Proactively strengthening relational skills is important for any couple wanting a successful, lasting relationship.

Spiritual Mismatch

Christian relationships can also fail due to a spiritual mismatch between the partners. Even if both people are Christians, they may have very different views on theological issues, spiritual practices, and how faith should be lived out day-to-day. For example, one may believe faith is more about inward transformation while the other emphasizes outward good works.

A spiritual mismatch can lead to ongoing disagreements and a lack of unity in the relationship. The couple may clash on things like what church to attend, how to approach prayer and Bible study, or what religious traditions to engage in. While some differences can be worked through, major spiritual incompatibilities can be very difficult to reconcile, potentially leading to the failure of the relationship.

Idolizing the Relationship

Another reason Christian relationships fail is because one or both partners end up idolizing the relationship itself. They look to the relationship to provide them with ultimate meaning, purpose, security and happiness. Instead of keeping God at the center and finding their primary identity in Him, they make their significant other the most important thing in their life.

Ironically, idolizing the relationship actually places an enormous amount of pressure on it. No human partner can possibly fulfill the role of God in someone’s life. When a boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse inevitably fails to live up to that expectation, the relationship crumbles. A healthy Christian relationship always keeps Christ as the foundation and looks to Him for ultimate fulfillment.

Lack of Community Support

Christian relationships can also suffer when the couple does not have the support and accountability of a strong Christian community. No relationship exists in a vacuum – having the encouragement of family, friends and fellow church members is invaluable. These people can offer wisdom, advice, prayer and a listening ear.

On the flip side, a lack of community leaves a Christian couple without important guidance and support. They may feel isolated, alone and ill-equipped to handle challenges. Being part of a church family and cultivating relationships with other mature believers is important for keeping a relationship strong and on track spiritually.

Unwillingness to Get Help

Finally, some Christian relationships fail because the couple is unwilling to get help when serious issues arise. There can be a lot of pride wrapped up in being a “good Christian” and having a “godly relationship.” Some couples feel ashamed to admit they are struggling, as if it is a poor reflection on their faith.

However, every relationship will go through difficult seasons and no one has all the answers. There is no shame in reaching out for support. Christian couples need to be willing to seek out counseling, therapy or mentoring when needed. Often an objective outside perspective is what helps get a relationship back on track. Humbling asking for help is a sign of wisdom and strength, not weakness.

Christian relationships fail for many complex reasons, even when both partners love God and are committed to their faith. From a lack of spiritual intimacy to unaddressed personal issues to a lack of relational skills, there are many potential points of failure. However, Christian couples who are aware of these pitfalls and work proactively to strengthen their relationship can absolutely build a fulfilling, lasting partnership. By keeping God at the center, investing in spiritual and relational growth, and reaching out for help when needed, Christian couples can overcome challenges and thrive together.