An old adage says, “Hurt people, hurt people.” It is well known that those who have been emotionally damaged tend to inflict their hurt and pain on others, particularly family and friends. This often accounts for the conflict that many couples experience. One or both bring emotional baggage from the past into the relationship, which gets “unpacked.”

This also accounts for the conflict and division many churches experience. The congregation is filled with people who profess to love the Lord, who are spiritually gifted, but act in selfish ways toward one another. It is imperative that married couples as well as the church leadership address the emotional and not just the spiritual health of the body of Christ.

The following are common traits hurt people display in their interactions with others:

  1. Hurt people transfer their emotional pain onto their family and close friends. They hurt the ones they love and need the most with their self-destructive behavior.
  2. Hurt people interpret what they hear from others through the filter of their emotional pain. Ordinary words are often misinterpreted to mean something negative about them.
  3. Hurt people interpret the actions of others through the filter of their emotional pain. Their emotional pain causes them to suspect evil motives in others. This makes it difficult to trust.
  4. Hurt people view themselves as victims. Hurt people use words like “unjust” or “unfair” to describe the way they are being treated.
  5. Hurt people have the emotional maturity of the age they were psychologically damaged. For example, if a child was sexually molested at 12, unless that damage is addressed, their emotional development will be arrested at that age.
  6. Hurt people experience recurring depression because past pain pushes into their present consciousness. They may not be aware of why they are depressed because they have compartmentalized or layered over their emotional pain.
  7. Hurt people erupt inappropriately because certain words, actions, or circumstances trigger past emotional pain. Reactions appear to be “out of the blue” or disproportionate to the situation.
  8. Hurt people occupy themselves with busyness, work, performance, and/or accomplishments as a way of compensating for low self-esteem.
  9. Hurt people “medicate” themselves with entertainment, drugs, alcohol, pornography, sex, or hobbies as a way of escaping their emotional pain.
  10. Hurt people are self-absorbed with their own pain and unaware that they are hurting others. They are insensitive to others because their emotional pain limits their capacity for empathy.
  11. God purposely surfaces emotional pain so hurt people can face reality. God brings emotional pain to the surface by allowing the hurt person to experience recurring conflict with others. The purpose is to motivate them to see that there is something wrong that must be addressed.
  12. Hurt people need to forgive in order to be released from their pain. John 20:23 states that we must release the sins of others (i.e., who have hurt us) if we are going to be released from our pain.

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