In today’s dating world, it’s not uncommon to hear the phrase “women are the prize.” It shows up everywhere—on social media clips, in self-help books, and even in Christian podcasts. On the surface, the phrase sounds harmless, even noble. After all, shouldn’t women be encouraged to value themselves and not settle for mistreatment?
That instinct is good. It pushes back against a culture that has often objectified women or made them feel like they have to compromise their character just to be loved. But when the sentiment goes too far, it can create a different kind of distortion—one that elevates women above men, feeds pride, and undermines the mutual humility God designed for relationships.
Let’s take a deeper look at why the “women are the prize” mindset sounds empowering but actually risks leading us away from the biblical picture of love and partnership.
God Defines Our Worth
Before we talk about romance, we have to start with identity. Scripture says that both men and women are made in the image of God. That truth in Genesis 1:27 is foundational. It means our worth doesn’t come from our relationship status, attractiveness, or earning potential. It doesn’t even come from being a wonderful wife or husband. It comes from God Himself—the One who made us and knows us completely.
When we lose sight of that truth, all kinds of confusion follow. We start comparing ourselves to others, competing for validation, and measuring our value by how much attention we get. That happens to men and women alike, though it often shows up differently.
The “women are the prize” narrative unintentionally feeds that competition. It suggests that a woman’s value is proven when men chase her, and a man’s worth is proven when he wins her. But that’s not how God sees it. Biblical relationships aren’t trophies to be won—they’re sacred unions of mutual respect, service, and holiness.
What Proverbs Really Says
People sometimes quote Proverbs 18:22—“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord”—as proof that a woman is the ultimate prize. But that verse isn’t about superiority; it’s about blessing. It reminds us that a godly spouse, male or female, is a gift from God.
Proverbs also praises the righteous man who walks with integrity. Scripture describes the man who fears the Lord as strong, faithful, and steadfast. So clearly, God values both the virtuous wife and the godly husband. Neither is “the prize” to be worshiped; both are cherished creations meant to reflect His glory.
A healthy biblical marriage doesn’t revolve around who’s more valuable. It celebrates the equal worth of two people who bring different, complementary strengths to the relationship. The woman’s grace does not cancel out the man’s leadership, and the man’s authority is never meant to erase the woman’s dignity.
The Problem With “Prize Thinking”
The phrase “women are the prize” may sound empowering, but it can subtly shape unhealthy expectations. For some women, it fosters a kind of quiet pride—the belief that men should constantly prove their worth or perform to keep a relationship going. It can lead to entitlement or emotional control instead of love and humility.
For men, that same attitude can be discouraging. It can make them feel devalued, as if they’re always chasing something unattainable or not good enough. Over time, this imbalance erodes connection. A man who feels worthless won’t lead with confidence. A woman who constantly tests her man’s devotion won’t rest in peace or security.
On the flip side, when men start viewing women as prizes to be won, they shift into conquest mode. Relationships become about “winning” rather than serving, about ego rather than covenant. That mindset turns love into a performance and turns people into possessions.
Both versions—women seeing themselves as the prize or men chasing women as prizes—miss the gospel root of relationships. They replace covenant love with consumer logic: “What can this person do for me?” That kind of thinking can never produce the selfless love described in Ephesians 5, where husbands are commanded to love their wives as Christ loved the church, and wives are called to respect and honor their husbands.
The Real Prize: Christlike Love
The New Testament flips the world’s idea of love upside down. Jesus defined love through sacrifice, not status. He washed His disciples’ feet. He chose the cross over comfort. He taught that the greatest among us is the one who serves.
When Paul wrote about marriage in Ephesians, he didn’t describe two people competing for attention or power. He described a dance of mutual love and respect, where each partner reflects something of Christ’s nature. The husband leads through humility; the wife follows with devotion. Both are accountable to the same Lord, both are called to serve, and both find their deepest satisfaction in reflecting His love.
The truly priceless woman is not idolized but imitated. Proverbs 31 paints a picture of a woman who’s wise, industrious, and compassionate. She doesn’t sit around waiting to be chased; she actively contributes to her family and community. Her strength is clothed in dignity, and her confidence flows from her fear of the Lord.
Likewise, the noble man is not worshiped but respected. Scripture honors men who are steady, brave, faithful, and slow to anger. His value lies not in how much he earns or how many people admire him, but in how deeply he follows Christ.
When men and women live out those biblical callings, love becomes a reflection of Christ Himself—the only true prize worth pursuing.
The Trap of Modern Dating
Much of our modern confusion about gender roles and worth comes from a culture that treats relationships like commodities. Social media encourages everyone to “market” themselves. Dating apps turn attraction into a numbers game. Popular advice tells people to “build your value” and “raise your standards,” as if finding love is the same as climbing a career ladder.
That’s where phrases like “women are the prize” find traction. They speak into that consumer mindset, responding to a broken system with another kind of brokenness. But believers are called to live differently.
God didn’t design romance as a transaction; He designed it as a ministry. Marriage and dating are about reflecting His redemptive love in small, tangible ways—patience, kindness, and forgiveness. The highest form of love isn’t about elevation but incarnation—entering each other’s world and serving one another out of reverence for Christ.
When we remember that, dating and marriage both become safer, purer, and more joyful. Instead of trying to impress or outperform, we focus on being faithful and genuine before the Lord.
Rediscovering God’s Design
The biblical model of manhood and womanhood stands in direct contrast to worldly “prize” thinking. In God’s design, the man doesn’t chase a trophy, and the woman doesn’t sit on a pedestal. They meet each other at the foot of the Cross—redeemed sinners who find their value in Christ alone.
That mutual dependence changes everything. It removes the pressure to perform. It frees couples to love openly and forgive quickly. It replaces suspicion with trust and arrogance with gratitude.
When a man leads with humility and a woman responds with respect, the result isn’t inequality—it’s intimacy. Leadership in Scripture isn’t domination; it’s responsibility. Submission isn’t weakness; it’s voluntary trust grounded in faith. Each role mirrors a different facet of Christ’s relationship with His Church, and together, they reveal the fullness of God’s love.
The Right Mindset for Believers
So what’s the better way to see it? Not “women are the prize,” but “God’s design is the treasure.” The true goal of Christian relationships isn’t to gain status, validation, or bragging rights—it’s to walk together in holiness.
When we view dating or marriage through that lens, everything changes. Pride gives way to service. Scorekeeping gives way to gratitude. Insecurity gives way to peace. Instead of asking, “Who’s the prize?” we ask, “How can I honor Christ in how I love this person?”
In that kind of relationship, each partner becomes a blessing to the other. The woman’s beauty inspires gratitude, not entitlement. The man’s leadership inspires security, not control. Together they become living proof that God’s ways work.
The world may still chant its slogans about power and worth, but believers know the secret: our value is already settled in Christ. You don’t need to be the prize when you already belong to the King.
Living It Out
If you’re a woman, remember that you don’t have to prove your worth. God already established it at creation and reaffirmed it at the cross. Carry yourself with dignity, not because you are “the prize,” but because you are God’s beloved daughter.
If you’re a man, don’t see yourself as chasing something you have to win. You are called to lead, protect, and serve—not to conquer. When your self-worth comes from Christ, you can pursue love with confidence, not desperation.
Both men and women stand equal at the foot of the cross and shoulder equal responsibility in the Kingdom of God. The only winner in a godly marriage is Christ Himself, glorified through the faithfulness of His people.